Shame is a very old coping strategy, usually developed in childhood. When children don’t feel safe expressing their angry feelings, they will try to manage these big emotions alone. They will cope by turning their anger back inside, by being cruel with themselves. Shame is anger turned inward. Shame serves no purpose, because it puts you at war with yourself.
When shame deceives you, you can see nothing good about you. You may feel like “I am not good enough.” You may believe, “I am a bad person.” When you struggle with shame, you are convinced that you are defective and undeserving of love. Shame creates a force field around you. You obsess over all of your flaws and dismiss all of your positive qualities.
When you are obsessed with your own darkness, you feel undeserving of other people’s attention. Shame isolates you and tells you that you are unworthy of affection. You feel exposed, defective. Rather than struggling in isolation, I invite you to reach out for help. You don’t have to suffer alone.
Are You Seeking Counseling?
I am professional counselor, licensed by the State of Texas. If you are interested in meeting with me, I offer a 30-minute free consultation. Studies suggest that the one of the most important healing factors in therapy is a good personality match. We can use this time to talk about what’s troubling you and see if I am the best person to fit your needs. To schedule an appointment, please send me an email. I’d like to help.