Self destructive behaviors are rigid, unhealthy patterns
of responding to feelings of shame and powerlessness. Addictions, compulsions, all the forms of self-destructive behavior
have the perverse function to numb shame. When we are caught in self destructive tangles, we forget to feel badly about ourselves
-- for the moment.
If you are struggling with self-destructive patterns, you might tell yourself:
"I'm stupid."
"If I try
I'll mess it up."
"Who could love me, I'm so awful?"
"Why try? "
"I'm flawed."
"I'm disgusting."
"I'm worthless."
"If you really knew how bad I am, you
would go away."
Eating disorders, alcohol and drug
abuse are easily recognizable self-destructive behaviors. But self-destructive patterns are not always so obvious, nor are
their causes always easy to understand.
We are self destructive when we
spend beyond our means,
when we are sexual in ways that cause us to lose self respect,
when we keep
ourselves in personal relationships that cause us to feel inferior,
when we neglect our bodies and do not give
them rest and exercise,
when we drive ourselves, overworking to please others,
when we turn our disappointments
into contempt for ourselves,
when we avoid attempting our ambitions because we will not accomplish them perfectly.
Change away from self-destructive behavior proceeds by gathering the skills and self awareness
to move in the world with self assurance and self determination. If you find yourself caught in the tangle of self destructive
behavior there are many avenues to recovery and growth. Quit blaming yourself. Find help.
