John Gottman is a famous couples counselor
based out of Seattle. He has studied how couples interact together and contends that there are certain attitudes which
threaten a relationship. Gottman has devised a series of questions to determine if a relationship is in jeopardy.
Answer the quizz below to see if your relationship might need professional help.
Are You Experiencing These Warning Signs In Your Relationship?
- When my partner complains, I feel unfairly picked on.
- My partner's negativity is too intense, too
much, too out of proportion.
- I think it's very important to determine who is at fault.
- I feel like I
don't get credit for all of the positive things that I do.
- When my partner complains, I feel like I am being attacked.
no stopping me once I get started.
- I don't complain until I feel hurt.
- When I bring up a problem, I try to
convince my partner that I am right.
- My spouse can be pretty arrogant at times.
- I get fed up with all of the
- I try to make general points instead of talking about one specific action or behavior.
- I can't
think of much that I admire in my partner.
- I can't help feeling that there's a lot of stupidity in my partner's behavior.
my partner is upset with me, I think of all the ways that I let down the relationship.
- I am fed up with all of the
negativity, and I wish my partner would change.
- When I am hurt in an argument, I think about ways to get even.
partner's moods are so exagerrated and out of control.
- I hate it when our discussions stop being rational.
often withdraw, and find it difficult to look my partner in the eye.
- When we have a big argument, I usually threaten
- I disapprove of my partner's behavior.
- I often think, "I don't have to take this kind of treatment."
Did you answer "Yes" to any of these questions?
If you answered "Yes" to 3 or more of these questions, there may be significant barriers to communication
in your relationship. If you have a score of 5 or more, you and your partner may be engaging in behaviors that routinely damage
of communication in terms of good habits and bad habits. Bad habits interfere with a couple's communication,
creating a cycle of discord and negativity. After a number of painful experiences, the couple creates a narrative
in their minds: "You don't care about me." Eventually you stop reaching out to your partner, fearing that
you will be rejected or hurt once more.
Are You Seeking Counseling?
I am professional counselor, licensed by the State of Texas. If you are interested in meeting with me, I offer
a 30-minute free consultation. Studies suggest that the one of the most important healing factors in therapy is a good
personality match. We can use this time to talk about what's troubling you and see if I am the best person to fit your
needs. To schedule an appointment, please send me an email. I'd like to help.
Bolls, MA, LPCPsychotherapist
8500 North MoPac
Austin, Texas 78759
Copyright 2014 Tom Bolls, Crossroads Counseling