John Gottman is a famous couples counselor based
out of Seattle. He has studied how couples interact together and contends that there are certain attitudes which
threaten a relationship. Gottman has put these principles into action, and as a result, he can predict (with 94% accuracy)
which people will stay married and which will divorce.
Gottman has devised a series of test questions to determine
if a relationship is in jeopardy. Answer the questions below to see if your relationship might need professional help.
1. When my partner complains, I feel unfairly
picked on.
2. When my partner complains, I feel like I have to "ward off" these attacks.
3. My partner's negativity is too intense, too much, too out of proportion.
4. I feel like I
don't get credit for all of the positive things that I do.
5. I think it's very important to determine
who is at fault.
6. I don't complain until I feel very hurt.
7. I try to make general
points rather than be specific about one situation or action.
8. There's no stopping me once I get started.
9. Whenever I bring up a problem, it's my goal to get my partner to see how I'm right.
10.
When we are discussing an issue in our relationship, I can't think of much of anything I admire in my partner.
11. My spouse can be pretty arrogant at times.
12. I can't feeling that there's
a lot of stupidity in my partner's behavior.
13. I get fed up with all of the negativity.
14.
When I get dumped on, I think of ways to get even.
15. I disapprove of my partner's behavior.
16. When my partner is upset with me, I think of all the ways I've been let down in this relationship.
17. I often think, "I don't have to take this kind of treatment."
18. I withdraw when
my partner's emotions seem out of control.
19. When we have a big blowup, I want to leave.
20.
I hate it when things in our discussions stop being rational.
