Tom Bolls: Psychotherapist

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THE RELATIONSHIP TEST

John Gottman is a famous couples counselor based out of Seattle.  He has studied how couples interact together and contends that there are certain attitudes which threaten a relationship.  Gottman has devised a series of questions to determine if a relationship is in jeopardy.  Answer the quizz below to see if your relationship might need professional help. 

 
Are You Experiencing These Warning Signs In Your Relationship?

  • When my partner complains, I feel unfairly picked on.
  • My partner's negativity is too intense, too much, too out of proportion. 
  • I think it's very important to determine who is at fault.
  • I feel like I don't get credit for all of the positive things that I do.
  • When my partner complains, I feel like I am being attacked.
  • There's no stopping me once I get started.
  • I don't complain until I feel hurt.
  • When I bring up a problem, I try to convince my partner that I am right.
  • My spouse can be pretty arrogant at times.
  • I get fed up with all of the negativity.
  • I try to make general points instead of talking about one specific action or behavior.
  • I can't think of much that I admire in my partner.
  • I can't help feeling that there's a lot of stupidity in my partner's behavior.
  • When my partner is upset with me, I think of all the ways that I let down the relationship.
  • I am fed up with all of the negativity, and I wish my partner would change.
  • When I am hurt in an argument, I think about ways to get even.
  • My partner's moods are so exagerrated and out of control.
  • I hate it when our discussions stop being rational.
  • I often withdraw, and find it difficult to look my partner in the eye.
  • When we have a big argument, I usually threaten to leave.
  • I disapprove of my partner's behavior.
  • I often think, "I don't have to take this kind of treatment."
 

Did you answer "Yes" to any of these questions? 

If you answered "Yes" to 3 or more of these questions, there may be significant barriers to communication in your relationship. If you have a score of 5 or more, you and your partner may be engaging in behaviors that routinely damage your relationship.
 
Think of communication in terms of good habits and bad habits.  Bad habits interfere with a couple's communication, creating a cycle of discord and negativity.  After a number of painful experiences, the couple creates a narrative in their minds: "You don't care about me."   Eventually you stop reaching out to your partner, fearing that you will be rejected or hurt once more.

 
Are You Seeking Counseling?
 
I am professional counselor, licensed by the State of Texas.  If you are interested in meeting with me, I offer a 30-minute free consultation.  Studies suggest that the one of the most important healing factors in therapy is a good personality match.  We can use this time to talk about what's troubling you and see if I am the best person to fit your needs.  To schedule an appointment, please send me an email.  I'd like to help.

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Tom Bolls, MA, LPC
Psychotherapist
8500 North MoPac Expressway #820
Austin, Texas 78759
(512) 468-7832

therapy@tombolls.com

 

Copyright 2014 Tom Bolls, Crossroads Counseling