Communication

"How Does Communication Differ From Conflict?"

Most couples come to me complaining about "communication issues." I would have to agree: Most people encounter difficulties discussing the issues that concern them. Generally, when I ask couples to talk through their concerns, I see a lot of talking ... but there's very little listening going on.

Many times, clients confuse "proving a point" with conversation. They don't really listen. The common traps that couples seem to fall into around conversation are:

A need to be "right"
An inability to communicate what we are needing
Denying what we are feeling in the moment

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"We seemed so close in the beginning. Where did we go wrong?"

When we first meet our romantic partners and begin to have sex, a chemical reaction (dopamine) is activated in the brain, silencing our fears and encouraging us to take risks in relationship. Love seems passionate and intense, and we have fantasies that we have found the one person that will meet all of our needs for the rest of our lives. Just like in the fairy tales, we cling to the belief that we have found love and will live "happily ever after."

Over time however the chemical levels in the brain return to normal. What once was so intense and passionate has faded, and we are left with the same old struggles in relationship. It's only natural that people get frustrated with their partners and start to blame. We want to believe that the other person has changed.

In reality, nothing has changed: your patterns of communication in relationship have remained the same. Change can only be made once we are conscious of our own patterns in relationship. Then we can see our current options more clearly, instead of making choices based on old (and sometimes faulty) unconscious data.

"Okay, I'm ready to work on my relationship issues. Where do we start?"
I specialize in working with couples and relationships. It’s work that I enjoy, and I think that my enthusiasm and knowledge in this area can translate into a more favorable outcome for the clients that I see. If you need help, call me today at 512-468-7832. I can meet with you for a free initial consultation and see if there is anything that I can do to help you through this difficult time.

Whatever your needs, I would encourage you to seek out therapy sooner rather than later ... especially if you have a history of failed relationships. Our patterns and unconscious habits in relationship tend to calcify and harden the longer that we practice them.